Glioblastoma, what a butthole!  Today is a very difficult day for me.  I struggle to even write this.  The lead up to today has been like walking the plank.  I knew it was coming, but I wished that I could avoid it at all cost.  A year ago, I found out that the battle was over.  My best friend was stopping her treatments.

    It was a normal day at Walmart, as normal as that can be.  I think I was getting stuff for my son's birthday.  As I was pushing my cart along, I received a message from my friend's husband, Josh. He told me that Tandi wasn't doing so good, that her tumor had grown a lot, and the doctors had recommended hospice.  He told me that they had stopped treatments and that Tandi was unable to text.  He informed me that it was difficult for her to speak, but we could do a video call if I wanted to.

    An unseen force knocked the wind out of me. It felt like I had been punched in the gut.  I needed to get out of the store.  Gripping the cart handle as tight as I could,  I started walking.  The cart was my crutch, holding me up.  As I walked I was telling myself, inhale, exhale, keep it together. I made it to the car, threw my groceries in the trunk and got in the car. Silence was my companion as I tried to process what was happening and then the flood gates opened. Yes, I full body convulsion ugly cried.

    When I got home I called Tandi.  I couldn't see her; I could only hear her.  Unaware of  how  unwell she was, I was making pointless small talk. Then it hit me that she didn't seem coherent, she was worse than I thought.  I told her bye and that I loved her and hung up.  My body slumped down and fell to the floor into fetal position as the sadness consumed me.  

    This day is hard, but I can't dwell on it.  Tandi wouldn't want me to! "Not on Rex Manning day!"  

    Even though today is a reminder of a very emotional hard day, I got outside and onto the water (I even saw Elmer, the Eagle), we went to our family's house and had an early Thanksgiving dinner. And best of all, we got to see my sister-in-law who is visiting from Hawaii!!!

ALMA 34: 17-27

"17 Therefore may God grant unto you, my brethren, that ye may begin to exercise your faith unto repentance, that ye begin to call upon his holy name, that he would have mercy upon you;

 18 Yea, cry unto him for mercy; for he is mighty to save.

 19 Yea, humble yourselves, and continue in prayer unto him.

 20 Cry unto him when ye are in your fields, yea, over all your flocks.

 21 Cry unto him in your houses, yea, over all your household, both morning, mid-day, and evening.

 22 Yea, cry unto him against the power of your enemies.

 23 Yea, cry unto him against the devil, who is an enemy to all righteousness.

 24 Cry unto him over the crops of your fields, that ye may prosper in them.

 25 Cry over the flocks of your fields, that they may increase.

 26 But this is not all; ye must pour out your souls in your closets, and your secret places, and in your wilderness.

 27 Yea, and when you do not cry unto the Lord, let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those who are around you."

I know I know, this blog is called Shar-a Piece of Pie.  In the next couple of days I will share a recipe.  Good night!